what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
