To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
