Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
