In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
