I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
