I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
