My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
