i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
