im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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