arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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