stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am mentally ready for anal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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