i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Michael Bay diarrhea
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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