So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
