Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
