i just wanna soil my oats bro
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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