I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
