nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
