I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
