Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
