Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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