I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
