i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
