I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize