You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
