Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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