do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
