Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
