Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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