Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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