you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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