apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
