No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
