I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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