Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
