you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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