dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
