After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
