I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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