my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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