This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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