Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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