Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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