Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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