I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
