Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
