I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
being pregnant is like rehab
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
