i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
