There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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