Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
