I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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