i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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