Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
