atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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