What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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