I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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