Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
