a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Terrible idea I love it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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