Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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