You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We're too hungover to prance.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
