My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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