he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need to stop coming to work sober
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
