1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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