dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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