Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have demons in me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
