I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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