Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
