she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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