...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
