Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
