How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
