you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
