My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
